it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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