Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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