Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
