3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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