You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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