I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
