You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't deserve a penis
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
