It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
