This girl is more easily done than said...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
