3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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