Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
