They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
