Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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