i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
