Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
