i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
