remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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