some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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