do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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