Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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