it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
