just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
