My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
