Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
