i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm always down for nudity.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
