He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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