it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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