Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
