Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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