No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
