Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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