"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
