Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
