I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
