If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
