Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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