a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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