unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
