mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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