Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
