Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
