sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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