I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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