come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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