I heard we made out
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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