They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
All the doctor said was why
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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