My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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