It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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