It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think your dad took our porno
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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