Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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