she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
