If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
