I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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