I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
