you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
zippers are such a cool invention
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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